Monday, May 24, 2021
Renewal requires opening yourself up to new ways of thinking and feeling.
- Deborah Day
Things people tell themselves:
"I'm here to just to heal from my past"
"Be patient with me, I have a lot of past trauma"
"I invite all these opportunities in my life."
Okay great, however, but what constitutes real change, a true sense of renewal. We love to spout off these pseudo-therapeutic, feel good, motivational chats.
Yes, trauma is real, I don't want to gloss over the real effects of that. Others have unsupported underlying health issues, so I want to be sensitive to the variables. However, there really is a point when someone's bad behavior is consistently scapegoated by their past.
My encouragement to people is to stop letting their past dictate their constant emotional roller-coasters. If we are truly trying to renew ourselves, we need to look ahead, not flounder in past transgressions. Our lives are beautiful and short. :)
Maybe renewal is about a "reset." Acknowledging our past, but moving forward.
Sunday, May 2, 2021
“Once we are honest about our feelings, we can invite ourselves to consider alternative modes of viewing our pain and can see that releasing our grip on anger and resentment can actually be an act of self-compassion.”― Sharon Salzberg,
Tuesday, January 30, 2018
We pretend to be excited
but everything is boring
it can't be that adoring
Cute puppies, just atoms
Little children, delighted
The past flew by,
memories but phantoms
Come quickly sweet death,
There is no purpose
Take my last breath,
All my talent and charm,
We can choose to look into our own self-worth and compare our happiness to others, our financial status with our friends, our attractiveness with others on Facebook. We can get our endorphins through Instagram likes, Facebook comments, YouTube likes on our videos. There's plenty of things to be sad about, we can watch the news and all seems hopeless, the world hasn't evolved yet.
All of this --- nobody cares. Nobody cares how you feel. Even those close to you want you to feel better, all so they don't have to put up with your shit.
"Don't be depressed"
they may say, only because you are dragging them down.
Is there hope? Sure, if we imagine a life free from suffering and death. That's the allure of heaven.
The life we live now, maybe in our hurting state is something we can enjoy moment by moment. Every breath is a gift, an opportunity to make someone else smile. Treasure time, give back to people, enjoy all you can. That's the secret to happiness.
Tuesday, October 10, 2017
I wish there was a quick way to train our brain to shake this, but I haven't found one. Sometimes all that gets me through is composing the next piece or practicing cello for the next project or gig coming up.
Recently, I've discovered many of my personal friends are struggling with something similar. This struggle isn't easily admitted, but after seeing some concerning FaceBook posts and after private messages; the constant battle, the cycle of pain, anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts is very real and struggled with every day.
Here's a story from one of my friends....
Sunday, September 17, 2017
I import often as a cellist for symphonies, along with writing and recording music. I just played the Mahler symphony with the Helena, Mt symphony. I've considered Mahler to be a master of orchestration, he knew every instrument and its capabilities.
I inspire to create, but this masterwork runs the gamut of emotions. Many of the misfortunes of my past were conjured up as I played this with the Helena Symphony this last weekend. I always knew Mahler was a master orchestrator, but the depth of this work is beyond words.
Please listen to the wonderful work...with good headphones or speakers.
Sunday, May 21, 2017
I took the sounds of car horns in Argentina and produced this piece. It represents how I think of the world. Every moment, no matter the noise can be peaceful. It's how we process this journey, this information...the outcome is what we make it to be.